Monday, 29 June 2009
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disjointed.
I'm still not better.
I miss Max Brown so much still, it's excruciatingly painful. It still makes me cry.
I'm trying to track down this shit-head neo-Nazi dogfighter. But I don't know his last name or address, just that he's a neo-Nazi who fights pit bulls.
And I'm going to figure out where he lives and make shit happen.Sara moved away today.
I'm not allowed to have any time whatsoever off work for the next million years.
I'm having panic attacks all the time lately and it's stressing my marriage.
Not terribly so, but it still is.I need a new job because if I don't leave I literally may kill myself, that's how badly I can't stand it anymore.
I may move to the country with Sara and try farming for a while.
Seriously.
I would also probably start a travelling vaccine/wellness clinic for farm dogs and cats.
I need change badly, but I've been so panicked that it's hard for me to start anything...I miss Max Brown. Yeah, I'm saying it again. It hurts. Should it still hurt? He was a wonderfully bad dog. He loved me more than life itself. I miss him terribly.
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Comments (6)
Awww. I don't know what happened, but I do know it sucks to lose a dog. **hug**
I am STILL not over losing my first once-in-a-lifetime dog, I still cry, and that was about 5 years ago. That probably has something to do with the way she died more than the fact that she died. I won't go into details but needless to say it was sudden and unexpected and one of the last ways I would have chosen for her.
Right now, I am going through another heartbreak, as my retired Hearing Service Dog has very recently and rapidly losing the use of her back legs and starting to be in more and more pain, because of nerve damage. I'm probably going to have to put her down anywhere from a week or two from now to a month or two from now.
Wanna be my dog-loss buddy? :(
@BohemianLamb - Aww, I am so sorry for your loss. Max Brown was a rescue dog - I work at a shelter, and one of the humane agents seized him from a terrible abusive home. He was extremely undersocialized and very timid, but took to me immediately - I eventually took him home because the shelter wanted to euthanize him (after letting him sit in a kennel for months, his only socialization being time with me when I had a few moments free at work). He didn't housebreak for a month and a half, was terrified of anyone coming in the house, and had terrible separation anxiety - he was so anxious without me. He also had demodetic mange. When he finally started improving I was SO excited for him, and tried to find placement with friends or a rescue or something (he was supposed to be a temporary dog until I could rehabilitate him) but out of nowhere he attacked my kitten, my dog, and the next day he bit me, and then I had to make the decision to have him euthanized. We believe it was a brain tumor.
It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do...and the most relieving thing ever was seeing him finally, for the first time, relax, as he passed on...but it killed me. It broke my heart. He stressed me out to the point that I cried every day, he took up every last ounce of my free time...he was literally like having a child, and as hard as it was, I miss that dependence. I miss being the world to something. I miss the look in his eyes when he looked at me - even when he bit me, it was clear he didn't even understand that he was being aggressive, it was so strange. He tried so hard, he really did. If he had been capable of being a normal dog, he would have - he wanted so badly to make me happy.
He died on March 16. And that week, nearly all of it was spent laying in bed, sobbing. I'm past that, but not by much. My heart breaks all over again when I think about him.
But I am so sorry for your losses, and of course I'll be your dog loss buddy. Misery loves company, right?
stay strong, love
*poke*
Just making sure you're still living.@zretrareo27 - Barely. Need new job! Otherwise I may become a full fledged zombie. :/
@whitetrashpoet - Ok, well I'm safe.
No brains here.Oh by the way I'm going to hocking tech XD in nelsonville for my first year.